cut --> stitches.

I cut again. on tuesday.
so fucking deep that i had to go to the doc and get stitches.
i cut a vein. it didn't stop fucking bleeding. 
so i got stitches, yeah.

offically, it was an accident. but when the doc saw my other scars.. and i told him that  they were from cutting i think he didn't believe me. but who cares, he can't do shit about it.
it's just.. this was like a turning point. i just don't know in which direction it'll all go now.
i'll either stop or continue doing it. worse than ever.
if i can cut deep like that it's just a small step to think about suicide, right?
 but that's just hypothetical. i love my job. and i like my life atm. so suicide didn't cross my mind for years now. just the theoretical thought, you know.

and i got 50 scars on my arm now and i somehow promised myself to stop cutting if i should ever reach such a number. let's see if i can do it.

over and out. that shit just crossed my mind.